there it is again...
that new year's feeling
hello! and welcome back…to…whatever this is to you. i hope it is something! 2022 is almost over girls! she will be remembered as the year that taylor swift broke ticketmaster, bts announced their military enlistment, and kiss ross punched chris ross in da penis. baby fenty was born, and two unemployed legends, queen elizabeth ii and my dog, died. this was also the year that one of my tiktoks went viral (deserved) and the inspiration themself, demi lovato, commented!!! i hate to say that i peaked, but i’m afraid that i did.
i really only have one thing to talk about in today’s newsletter, and it’s a little bit of a deep dive so apologies in advance. if i were a real writer, i would do some kind of end of year round up, like “22 things that happened in pop culture in 2022” to commemorate the end of another incredible year full of unpredictable and unhinged moments, but alas, i am not. i’m just a girl, sitting up in bed because her tummy hurts from putting too much spicy sauce on her food. yes, i know real writers get tummy aches too, but that’s not the point. on to the one thing now!
phoebe&paul&matty&bo
ok, i need everyone to FOCUS! all eyes on me!! seriously, shut up and listen for once. something is happening in the people-who-were-on-tumblr-in-2013-and-are-now-on-SSRIs multiverse. phoebe bridgers (bi-con) and paul mescal (the guy from normal people) have reportedly called off their engagement. let’s back up. how did these two sexy, depressed people meet? on twitter, like god intended. paul posted his 2019 spotify wrapped which featured phoebe as his top artist, and in may 2020 phoebe shared her thoughts on normal people…folks, that’s what we in the biz like to call a done deal!!! then they met for the first time on instagram live (i would rather never feel the touch of another ever again than do this) and despite the awkward energy (“this is my plant, henry,” paul says, presumably to fill a silence), it was clear they were into each other. they got engaged this year and although the internet had a running joke that paul’s normal people co-star, daisy edgar jones, was their third, it didn’t appear that phoebe and paul actually had an open relationship. and now it seems that they may not have a relationship……..at all!!!
ok. how is everyone doing? does anyone need a break? no? ok, let’s keep going. i’m about to introduce a new character whose role in this tale is somewhat misleading and diverts our attention from what (whom) we should have been paying attention to this whole time. this person has always been a bit controversial, perhaps even polarizing. he’s unfiltered, he’s unpredictable, he does not like menthols. you may know him as the front man of the 1975. he, of course, is matty healy. matty and phoebe have been friends for a long time, and after posting this gem, matty shared his confusing feelings for paul On Main. so clearly the three of them have a playful little thing going on, “oh haha matty has a crush on us both hehehehe,” but i don’t believe there was ever any speculation that matty was actually involved with either phoebe or paul. people were too busy screaming at matty for kissing fans onstage during the 1975 at their very best tour this fall. that is a whole other conversation that we do not have time for right now!!!
okay wrap it up! some of us have places to be!!!
ok ok ok. so who could have possibly turned phoebe’s head? remember, just moments ago, when i said that matty was distracting us from the real Mister Steal Your Girl? a couple weeks ago, matty posted a picture of him and phoebe smooching with bo burnham behind them sort of facilitating/taking in the moment with his eyes closed. phoebe and bo have been friends for a long time and have been spotted together several times over the past few years. phoebe also covered funny feeling from inside, bo’s 2021 depression vlog. does that mean they were shagging on the low? of course not. however, they recently attended kate berlant’s comedy show together, sparking rumors (the word “canoodling” was used by a source). and then, as fate would have it, phoebe and paul’s engagement was reportedly called off a few days ago. i mean…ba-da-bing-ba-da-boom. that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. i just hope that if this is true, matty puts his money where his mouth is and shoots his shot with paul for real.
2023 & me
that’s all for today, and for this year! i want to keep this up in 2023, so please indulge me by participating in the poll below. this will help motivate me to keep doing this because a. i’ll know people are reading and b. i’ll know what you want to read!!
thank you so much for reading! not to get emo on main but i really do appreciate the support, encouragement, and love!! :’) i hope everyone has a fun and safe new year’s and that 2023 has some cute lil moments in store for you. you’re all very sexy and cool, don’t forget that! ok bye!!!
xoxoxo tess